I find myself having a tough time parenting lately. With my kids now at or approaching the late teen years and the end of the “school days”, I am finding it harder and harder to know when to assume control of situations and responses to situations and when to back off. I have always allowed my kids to resolve their problems for themselves and think independently – under the watchful and supportive eyes of mom and dad and with liberal amounts of counsel and advice as needed. But now, when I should be happy with the “payoff ” of all our hard work and the independence it brings to the kids and to Terry and I, instead I feel hurt and shut out. How dumb is that?
They just don’t seem to get the importance of grades, relationships, dedication, commitment (I could go on and on…) in quite the same why I do! Well, OK – I’m a bit older than they are and I see things differently through the lens of experience and wisdom – DON’T THEY GET THAT!?! Um, sorry – got a little excited for a moment. I think they DO get it, maybe more than I give them credit for sometimes. Could it be that it is time to follow through on all of my talk about wanting them to be independent, take their faith on for themselves, come to terms with ways to live out their convictions, and – oh no – to allow them to make mistakes (in a controlled environment with me and Dad here to help pick up the pieces, of course)?
I understood separation anxiety when it happened to the kids when they were little, but I am finding it harder to take as a parent. Maybe because I am so used to feeling in control, even though that has never really been true anyways. The only one truly in control, now and throughout time to bring us all to this place, is God.
I just finished reading chapter two of “Trusting God” by Jerry Bridges. It is titled “Is God in Control?” and his firm answer is absolutely. God’s divine providence is His constant care for and His absolute rule over all His creation for His glory and the good of His people. I know that in all things – in everyday mundane things and gradual life changes as well as in the hurtful, lasting sufferings that life brings – I must trust God. I must trust that He is continually at work in every aspect and every moment of my life and in the lives of my kids. Wow!
God give me the patience to rest in your providence and to know that, even though it is feeling like my parenting work is almost done (that will never actually happen!), You love my kids and are working all things for their ultimate good because they love You and have been called according to Your purpose (Romans 8:28).
